Ey babyz. It’s summertime and I know all you fine ladies and dashing gents are prepping for bikini season. I just ran like 8 miles at 2.22 miles/hour so I understand your feels, but the best part about this time of year is rewarding your bbw ass with smoothies all day.
Smoothies are really easy to make and are really good for you because they’re only who-gives-a-fuck calories, which, let’s face it, is exactly what you need. Step one: go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of your favorite fruit. This should definitely include as many bananas as you can carry and any of the following:
- berries (bitches like berries)
- almond milk (bbw recommends vanilla)
- agave nectar or honey
- anything else that tastes good with smoothies (nuts and nut butters?)
Today we’re making a strawberry-blueberry-banana smoothie. Grab a handful of blueberries and throw them into the food decimation device of your choice. Be sure to wash them and pull the stems off. Repeat with strawberries. Although, if you have baby hands, please use two handfuls.
Pull the delicious milky substance of choice out of your fridge and pour delicately into where your fruit currently resides. If all your fruit is frozen, as it should be, this will help defrost it a bit so you don’t end up with sorbet.
You can use cow’s or soy milk, but I’ve read enough articles about the estrogen/growth hormones in those products to sway me against it. Decide for yourself. I’m allergic-ish to yogurt so vanilla almond milk is a great compromise between healthy and delicious.
With a little planning, the next part can make a good smoothie great. I highly recommend freezing your fruit beforehand (bananas, berries, the lot of it) because it makes your smoothie nice and creamy. Which if you’re a bbw like me, is the best thing ever. I didn’t do that, so… ice.
Press ‘Go’ on your smoothie machine and watch in awe as your smoothie is made, right before your eyes. It’s probably way cheaper than Jamba Juice or Whole Foods and you can make as much as you want, y’all.
PS: Please be safe when cleaning your kitchen utensils. If you’re in a major hurry to down your smoothie and rushing through the cleaning process, please remember to stop and pull the blade out of the food processor before cleaning commences. Otherwise, the blade is likely to jump out of the bowl and shank you, causing even more delay to consuming said smoothie.
I know you can barely see it in the pic below, but watch out, gangstaz don’t f around. Strong boo boo action.
You’re also potentially saving your baddest Ariel themed spring dress from getting attacked by projectile smoothie juice:
Happy smoothie making, you foxy goddess.